Phases of the Dark Night of the Soul

Healing

Phases of the Dark Night of the Soul

The Dark Night of the Soul is a journey of alchemical transformation of the soul consisting of multiple phases. It’s possible to experience several Dark Nights in our lifetime. There are many names for the phases of the Dark Night, and the number of phases varies by author. The high- level concepts are the same, regardless of author. My interpretations are below, and I will analyze each one from my point of view as a sexual trauma survivor.

Initiation – A sexual trauma initiates us into the Dark Night, usually unexpectedly.
Resistance – We fall into a victim mindset due to the painful nature of the crisis.
Cleansing – Unable to take more pain, we seek healing, which requires cleansing.
Enlightenment – We morph into a higher version of ourselves.

Initiation

A major crisis – sexual trauma – is the catalysts that thrusts us into a Dark Night. We don’t choose this perverse trauma, and we rarely have the option to prevent it. Unfortunately, millions of us experience this dreary Dark Night. Our initial reactions are usually shock, disbelief, rage, and sadness. We might wonder if or how we could have prevented this unjust situation. Some of us unconsciously develop “control freak” qualities, thinking that we can control our environment to prevent future painful situations in all areas of our lives.

Resistance

In this phase, our victim mentality kicks in full blast, and we resist our circumstances. We angrily (and rightfully) ask, “Why me?” One of the three scenarios below applies, and all are

disappointing.

If a parent or friend was nearby when the trauma occurred, we logically blame that person for “not preventing” the physical and emotional injuries, the injustice, and the utter disregard for our sacred bodies. Even if the person had no knowledge of the trauma, we still assign blame to them.
If the person knew of the abuse but did not protect us, we naturally feel angry about their blatant cowardice
If no one was around during the abuse, we feel abandoned during the most vulnerable time of our lives

When we are in pain, we may not be aware that millions of men and women are also fighting their own painful sexual trauma battles, whether or not they acknowledge it. (Why would most people recognize this trauma out loud when it provokes so much shame?)

Sometimes we feel devastated, demolished, dead, or empty. We mask our pain behind false façades, financial success, drugs, alcohol, relationships, or other addictions (escape

mechanisms). It’s also possible to go into denial all together and pretend that nothing happened. Many people refuse to seek help due to feelings of pride, shame, learned helplessness, or other emotional blockages. This results in people getting stuck here for decades, or in some cases, for the rest of their lives. Staying stuck in this phase is severely damaging to our finances, health, and relationships. There is a high emotional and monetary price to pay for staying stuck. Consider the money spent on addictions; money spent on health issues created by disordered eating, drugs, and alcohol; the emotional cost of the turmoil of unhealthy romantic relationships; the emotional toll of loneliness due to avoiding romantic relationships; the long-term cost of unstable employment; and the mental cost of toxic friendships. These situations are generally rooted in unresolved trauma. Consider elderly people who are verbally hostile, angry and bitter due to staying stuck. In the worst cases, unresolved trauma could lead people to make an exit from this planet.

Cleansing

Eventually, we consciously decide that we can no longer live with the pain. We realize that clarity and growth are not possible without cleansing. We realize that we are not responsible for the sexual trauma inflicted on us, but we are responsible for healing ourselves. This self- compassion leads us to seek the help needed. This is the most excruciating phase of the Dark Night, because healing requires facing the most painful aspects of the trauma and processing our murky feelings.

Since sexual trauma impacts all areas of our lives, it takes long to heal. I’ve been on this journey for almost 31 years, and I am still healing! It’s normal to take short and long breaks during the arduous cleansing process, because cleansing is intense, frightening, and unpleasant. It’s also normal to feel like we are not making progress, because the path is so long. We can only move forward at the pace with which we feel comfortable. Every step counts!

Enlightenment

Our ego is gradually demolished during the cleansing phase, and an enlightened version ofourselves begins to emerge and develop. The ego’s victim mindset no longer resonates with us when we reach the enlightenment phase. We are blessed with newly-acquired spiritual gifts. We are wiser and more deeply intuitive. We set strong boundaries and rightfully defend ourselves. People notice our radiance, which is rooted in our newly-cultivated self-love. We have compassion for other trauma survivors without taking on their pain. Most of all, we are happy to be alive!

The Dark Night of the Soul feels like the most dangerous and frightening journey of life, but it’s fulfilling if we can get through each phase consciously. If you have experienced sexual trauma, I strongly encourage you to seek compassionate parnerships along the way: an experienced therapist, a support group, and loving friends and family. You deserve to live life to its fullest!